by Patricia Thornton, PhD
anxiety won't kill you

Whether my patients have OCD, social anxiety, a phobia, panic, or are just generally anxious about life, they come into treatment wanting to be free of the uncomfortable feelings associated with anxiety. To rid themselves of their anxiety they have tried meditation, relaxation, yoga, different psychotherapies and medication, but overall they don’t feel a whole lot better. They ask me, “Why am I so anxious?” and “How do I get rid of this anxiety?” And I respond: “You need to allow yourself to be anxious and you don’t need to know why you are anxious.” I know it sounds counterintuitive. But when you actually move toward your anxiety and just allow yourself to experience it, without trying to flee the situation or reason your way out of it, those yucky anxiety feelings and bodily sensations tend to dissipate. Anxiety never stays at one level. It oscillates up and down, often influenced by what you’re thinking about. If you accept that you’re anxious, you are no longer fighting it. When you fight the feeling, you are saying to yourself, “This is awful! I can’t cope!”, “Something bad is going to happen”. And then what happens? You get more anxious. You may attempt to manage anxiety by avoiding situations that you believe could cause you to be anxious. Or you may attempt to manage anxious thoughts by ruminating or doing things to make sure you are safe. These strategies only work in the short term, if at all. Your anxiety comes roaring back, often worse than before. If you can stay in the anxiety causing situation or stay with the disturbing thoughts long enough and say to yourself: “It’s OK that I’m anxious,” the anxiety is likely to dissipate on it’s own. You don’t need to do anything about the anxiety! And if you can take it a step further and challenge yourself to want to feel more anxious, then you are taking bold steps to conquer your anxiety. I know that asking to feel more anxious is hard to do in practice because every part of you is saying you need to get rid of the anxiety. We are wired to respond to danger by gearing up our sympathetic nervous system so that we can get out of harm’s way. Sure, if there is a rhino charging at you, your brain tells your body that there is imminent danger and your anxiety will help move you away from the rhino’s path. Unfortunately, our brain creates noise (false thoughts) that we misinterpret as dangerous and then our fight/flight system gears up, even though there is no actual danger. When you can embrace anxiety and stay with situations and thoughts that make you anxious, you are retraining your brain to be less reactive to those false thoughts. This is not the easiest thing to do, but if you haven’t tried accepting your anxiety and actually asking yourself to be more anxious, try it. You are likely to discover that moving toward your anxiety, instead of away from it, will ultimately leave you feeling less anxious.

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About the Author:

patricia_thornton_picture_1.pngPatricia Thornton, PhD specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders and OCD. She practices in New York City.

Hey Mel! Are u feeling any better?

Hi just saw your post and seeing how your coping since then. I just started with anxiety attacks

Eamonn ONeill

December 21, 2018

In reply to by Melly

Hey Mel, it's pretty terrifying the first time it happens. I thought I was going crazy, that soon my mind would just fall away like wet cake. I'd recommend getting a book by Claire weeks called self help for your nerves. It explains things really well, and gives you good coping skills. Your anxiety will spike when you initially try to get better, don't be disheartened by this, or anything that feels like a backstep. Give yourself time, by kind to yourself. Everything will be fine, it seems completely overwhelming now but I promise you will feel better soon. Seek help, and be patient, things will simmer down and you will go back to feeling your old self.

So I’ve suffered with panic disorder since I was 7. My mom worked at the hospital and when I was little I would want to go visit her and when I would go inside I would freak out and have a panic and feel like I was going to die any minute. They would put me in a room and give me a breathing treatment and one day they gave me one without medicine to see if it was in my mind and it was ! I felt better after I had the treatment and my dad told me there was no medicine in it so they could see if it was in my head or not. Back in 2012 I had agoraphobia and didn’t leave my house for 1 year I was afraid to do anything. I’m always afraid I have cancer or a brain tumor and I worry about it so much I can’t eat and I feel like I have the symptoms of it. And I have seen like 3 drs that have told me I am fine. It’s always nice to know when someone else is going through the same thing you are!

I to have these thoughts and I think my main fear is just dying young because I'm affraid of what will become of my loved ones I've had every test done and everything comes back normal so we just have to work on telling ourselves that we are ok and go thru it one day at a time

Hi Mel.
I hope you are coping, you are not alone in this I have just been through it for two years and I've managed it so far. But it does get less and less

Hey I’m reply to Mel sorry this is so much later then September but I’ve had anxiety since I was 24 when I randomly had a panic attack while on my families couch. I’m 31 now and I still have little bouts of panic and anxiety just out of the blue. I’ve done all the things these other people have tried and yes it’s extremely scary even now, but that is only your brain tricking you! I can’t say it’ll help you because everyone has their own techniques but I usually feel very hot and that’s the start of it so I casually get an ice pack and just move it around my face, neck, and chest area, not focusing on the panic but just to help ease the symptoms. When your brain starts to race it’s beat to do something you’re comfortable with like I will break out a favorite game on my phone while I just pace back and forth slowly focusing my mind on something else helps immensely! and trust me I’ve had some panic attacks that have made me say out loud “OMG this is insane!” But learning to conquer your anxiety by saying “this is something I’ve done hundreds of times, I know I’m not in danger, I’m fine, this will all be over soon”. Also I will just mentioning talking to someone REALLY helps! Just mentioning to a friend or spouse, “hey I’m feeling a little anxious for some reason” and having them say “you’re ok” does help to bring in perspective you’re indeed not in danger even if your brain can’t think it itself. I hope this reaches you and overtime I hope you’ll reach out to someone going they anxiety for their first time and are able to provide your own techniques, we are all in this together. Take care.

How are you? Are you ok?
I just saw your post by visiting this site.....

Hello Anel don’t know if anybody has answer your message about anxiety before. But all I. Can tell you is that I’m going through my second anxiety apisone in 4 years and it’s being very bad. A have new sensations in my body. And it scared the life out me still. Tsymptoms come and go but still bad. It’s very hard for us that are going through this.


January 28, 2019

In reply to by Melly

I have extreme anxiety, I have for the past 4 years I’m currently at my worst state ever so if you need to chat I’m here! I’ve had almost ever symptoms possible xx My gmail is

Have you had symptoms of pressure from your anxiety in your head, where it feels deep and causing headaches all the time. It feels like it’s putting a strain on you, like you need to check your blood pressure or something like that? Just wondering thanks!

Yes - a very common symptom of anxiety attacks. I’m 50 and had this stuff going on since I was 18. How is that for a track record?
My final thing that alleviated this was a realization that “hey, if this was life threatening, it would have killed me a long damn time ago.” Hard to condition yourself to that but it’s helped over the years.

I find getting in routines help immensely. As humans, we are conditioned animals. Doing things on a scheduled pattern (I absorb myself in work) even when we don’t want to.

I also practice positive self talk like “I’m one of the strongest people on the planet to put up with this shit! God gives it time because I’m a warrior and can handle this. He knows I’m tough as nails.”

Had every symptom known to man due to anxiety and depression. Fear of losing control. Unable to focus. Numbness. Tingling. Shortness of breath. Rapid heartbeat. Feeling trapped. Restless and jittery.

Mine comes and goes over the course of the better part of 30 years. I’ve fought so many battles with it and come out like a stronger person every time.

When it tears it’s ugly head, I actually don’t run from it. I say: “I see you’re back you a-hole. Just try to break me. I dare you. I’ve beaten you countless times.”

And, the best advice I can give you all is do not go off medication if you are on it You think you don’t need it and the crap always comes back. As a guy, did that countless times and it’s not a good decision. I’ve decided to continue Lexapro for life. I’ve got a lifelong condition no different than diabetes and it’s something that I need to treat. Eff it. If I can handle mental health, I can handle any physical disease that comes my way. Probably the toughest battle one can ever fight is the one in their own mind.

And, yes, I’ve had many great moments in my life despite this garbage. I’ve

I suffer really bad with my anxiety and panic attacks it’s been 4years now I am so scared and feel so alone I cry all the time from getting up to go to bed it is none stop with chest pain numbness in my face jaw pain you name it I have had it. I have tried everything cbt hypnotherapy 3 times meds it got to point now the doctors said there can’t do anything more for me all I want is to be happy again xxx


February 8, 2019

In reply to by Melly

When I feel anxious i go blank and feel stressed. I get anxious when people talk about jokes and when I don’t find it funny when jokes are about me. And make me feel not happy with myself.


February 9, 2019

In reply to by Melly

Hey Mel I know how you feel. It’s a hopeless feeling. I’m tired of it wish this feeling didn’t exist. Lately I’ve been feeling the heart palps my body feels weak i feel like I’m sick and I just don’t know anymore I’m here if you need to talk ♥️

Hey anyone willing to speak about anxiety privately I’m up for it been suffering with anxiety and I get all physical symptoms and have the worst panic attacks so if anyone is up for a chat

K. Stewart

February 17, 2019

In reply to by Melly

I have had them for years. My very first one occurred while I was driving and scared me so bad. I went and talked to my Dr. and he knew immediately what I was trying to explain. I have been on meds now ever since. I currently take Prozac to manage my attacks and so far, it has helped. The best thing for you to to see your Dr. Always try to remain calm and take deep slow breaths. I hope this helps.


February 20, 2019

In reply to by Melly

I totally understand what your going thru the feeling of always being scared is there non stop it helps me to try and understand why I’m feeling this way and to tell myself there’s nothing wrong it’s easier said than done because our minds don’t allowe us to understand I absolutely hate because at the end of the day nothing has or will happen and I put myself Thur hell worring about nothing at all. I also try and keep my mind busy by thinking of a letter and seeing how many fruits or veggies I can name associated with that letter seem silly but it helps me to fall asleep. When my breathing gets to the point that I’m hyperventilating I try to control my breathing by imagining that I have a lit candle right in front of me and it have to make sure that I study my breathing just enough to incision the candles flame just dancing and not to be blown out and before o know it my breathing is much better I hope this helps even if it for a little while.

I have been going through the same for about 2 months now... i started to see a school therapist and taking CBD. It seems to be helping me a lot but I’m still struggling to cope with it. My advice is drink a hot or warm tea. Practice breathing exercises and accept your fears. Your heart palps is just your body’s response to the fear and the in danger feeling. Think of your anxiety as excitement and create it to a positive state of mind and focus on a positive thing or things. I hope this helps.

Hiya mel am Laura. I have had anxiety for months now I am sorry to hear about yours. It is hard especially with all the symptoms I had room spinning feeling like I was falling. headaches frightened all the time. I really understand how you feel I find that going for a walk or just going in your town helps take you mind of it. I really hope you start feeling better soon just remember you have anxiety but anxiety does not have you. Am here if you ever want to talk

If this is still relevant I wouldn’t mind talking with you about this.

I'm aware that you made this comment a while ago, but I've been dealing with severe anxiety problems/disorders for years upon years. If you need to talk, get advice or reassurance feel free to message me on either instagram @monarchsinmarch or Facebook @Colin Handy. Hope you're well! Also this comment goes for everyone. I'm always willing to help anyone with anxiety issues, seeing as they're all I know.

Hey just sent this now but I been dealing with anxiety for many years now , comes and goes actually goin through it these days for the past week .... reply if ever u wanna talk about it , would help both of us I think


November 18, 2018

In reply to by Jon Prego

My anxiety seems to come towards the end of the day into the night and is almost impossible for me to sleep in the same bed as my wife I end up downstairs on the couch to I guess a safe place in a sense not a good feeling this is all new to me

Don't run from it only enforces it go back in bed with your wife or the anxiety wins it sucks but we must go towards the anxiety and let it pass done it enough times!

I know its hard as the anxiety tries to take over our thoughts but don't avoid things i know its hard but running from anxiety makes it worse, hope you feel better Craig and we all beat anxiety it sucks its just our minds playing tricks on us take care!

Jo Buck

December 16, 2018

In reply to by Jon Prego

The anxiety symptoms are a beast. And I run from anxiety except for one time I gave into the anxiety and it wasn't that bad. I did my breathing techniques and I calm down and went on about my day. But it's a beast in itself and that's the scary part. I take my meds and pray about it. I hope everyone suffering from anxiety anf panic disorder hope we all can be cured and be well.


February 26, 2019

In reply to by Jon Prego

Anxiety is so bad it’s ruining my life I can’t breathe and the physical symptoms are the worse but what do you mean by resisting ?

Hello everyone, I just want to say that if you need someone to talk to please message me on Instagram @okokwuteva I have times where I’m doing very good besides maybe a small anxiety attack whenever I get worked up over something, but then I go through times where my anxiety is so bad even when I’m just relaxing and it feels like I can’t control it. I’m having so many physical symptoms dizziness/nausea/fatigue/chest pain/tingling hands or feet/ shortness of breath/ heart palps/ feeling doomed/ feeling like I’m going to die/ feeling like I’m going to pass out, etc. these last few weeks have been terrible for me. I have no insurance so I can’t make a doctors appointment. I did go to the ER in July because I was feeling this way and they ran a bunch of tests and told me that everyone is fine. I have really bad health anxiety on top of my day to day GAD. I’m currently trying to seek treatment at a free mental health clinic in my state. If you want to chat, I would definitely enjoy it as well. I hope everyone stays safe. We can do this. ❤️ We are the strongest people because not many people could handle this..


April 30, 2019

In reply to by Jon Prego

Oh yeah seems like a plan not resisting, just left the ER everything was normal ekg blood work but my heart rate was at 158bpm which slowed down to 120bpm now that im home , i didnt get any medicine for it so i just get at ease knowing im not alone in this feeling this horrible sensation ? Bless everyone on here and hope you all over come this anxiety! Its uncomfortable but no dangerous ! So we must do our best!