Sharing My Story and My Art

Hello. I would like to tell my story. My name is Olga, I am 26 years old, since childhood I have been suffering from mood swings, derealisation, anxiety and ADHD.

As a teenager, I had many complexes and it was difficult for me to communicate with people and I had agoraphobia, so I had to transfer to homeschooling. My parents never understood my mental state and said depression didn't exist. At the age of 16 I went to a Design college, and when I was 18 years old  I moved to live separately from my parents, later I entered the university for design and graduated when I was 22 years old.

I went to a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder and depression. Since then, I have been undergoing cognitive behavioral therapy and taking medication. A year ago I relocated to another country. I work as a freelance illustrator. It is very difficult for me to fit into a team and I prefer to work from home and communicate only with close friends. I often feel lonely, sad and anxious, but drawing helps me. I put my feelings on paper. 

Also, when I have a nervous episode, I either drink too much or overeat. It is very difficult for me to do what I do not like, to concentrate on ordinary things as my attention often jumps and I am always in a hurry. Very often I experience irritation and anger for no reason. I react sharply to failures and failures. Sometimes I isolate myself from people, and sometimes I am too intrusive. It’s hard for me to accept myself and my achievements.

I’m critical of my appearance, it’s also difficult for me to have close relationships with men, so many of my partners were unemployed abusers. It is also very difficult for me to communicate with healthy people, as if we are from different worlds and I feel like a stranger. They seem very boring to me, and I seem strange and crazy to them.

I have tattoos, cuts, and burns on my arms. Many people are turned off by this. I also love all kinds of dirt and gore in art, anything dark or nasty is part of my personality disorder.

Despite all this, I often in a good mood and can feel euphoric. I really like to walk a lot with my beloved dog, travel, explore new places, and draw.

I have a dream to become a psychologist or psychotherapist and help other people. I have included here some of my drawings about life and my mental state. Perhaps many of the readers will relate to them.

I am sharing my story and drawings with ADAA, because their organization is a resource where every person who suffers from any mental disorders or difficult life situations can find support and understand that they are not alone.

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