Your support changes lives. Thank you!
Learn More
*The topics below are by no means limited to men and may not describe all male experiences. However, these topics are common enough to shape how many men relate to their emotions.*
"How are you doing?"
"I'm good."
It's one of the most common conversations we have. Yet for many men, "I'm good" is more than a simple answer. It reflects years of learning which emotions feel safe to express—and which are better left unsaid.
Many boys and men grow up in environments that encourage them to stay strong, hide difficult emotions, and avoid talking about their feelings1. These social expectations can increase the risk of anxiety, depression, and avoiding professional help (2,3).
As a psychologist, I pay close attention to the community surrounding my clients. I want to understand who they spend time with and whether they feel safe being emotionally vulnerable with the people closest to them. I believe emotional healing last longer when it is supported by those around them. But I often see two challenges. First, men may struggle to open up. Second, their family and friends may not know how to respond when they do. This can leave men feeling misunderstood or emotionally disconnected, holding negative beliefs about their emotions, and choosing to hide their most vulnerable feelings. Better mental health depends on both sides. Men need opportunities to express their emotions, and the people around them need to know how to respond with care and support.
How to Support Men When They Open Up
When a man trusts his community with his emotions, they have an opportunity to respond in a way that makes future openness more likely. Here are 4 ways to help create that safety.
Step 1: Check Your Own Bias - We all have a bias towards male emotional expression. To begin examining your own bias, consider these reflection questions, If a male friend/family member/colleague suddenly became tearful during a conversation with you,
- What would be your first thought?
- How would you react externally?
- What judgments or criticisms might you be tempted to make?
- Would your first instinct be to lean in to offer support or tease, dismiss, or explain away his tears?
Write down any judgments or assumptions you noticed. Then ask yourself how those beliefs might affect the way you respond to male emotional expression. Finally, write down why becoming a more supportive listener could be helpful to the men in your life.
Step 2: Practice your GIVE skills - In Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), the GIVE skill is a way to strengthen relationships during emotional conversations. Key components of this skill include:
- Speak in a calm and gentle way.
- Show you are listening by making eye contact and limiting distractions.
- Reflect back what you hear, such as, “I sound like you are feeling…” or “What I’m hearing you say is…”
Step 3: Be Open to Feedback - Even when we mean well, we won't always respond in the most helpful way. When attempts at support are not well received, show willingness to improve how support is offered. If you notice a man becoming quiet or reactive towards your effort to support him, gently acknowledge your observation (e.g., “It seems like my response may be upsetting or off-putting”), await affirmation or clarification on your observation, and then inquire about preferred responses. If he is unable to express a preferred form of support, show willingness to hear feedback moving forward as you try offering other forms of support.
Step 4: Keep Showing Up - It can be hard to trust that there is safety and security in a relationship. Efforts to invite emotional expression can be met with unsatisfactory responses that may be discouraging to the community supporter. Continue creating a space where emotions are welcomed rather than judged. Consider modeling your openness to emotional expression by sharing your own emotional experiences. Remain open to receiving his feedback as he better understands and communicates what types of emotional support is best suited for him.
How Men Can Build Emotional Awareness
Men don't choose every challenge they face. But they can choose how they respond to their emotions. This idea is adapted from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)4, which recognizes that people don't always choose the situations that create emotional pain, but they are responsible for how they respond to it. While communities play an important role, lasting change also requires personal practice and responsibility. Here are 5 ways men can take personal responsibility for healthily growing their emotional awareness and expression.
Step 1: Practice ‘Taking a BEAT’ - I often encourage my clients to build emotional awareness by ‘Taking a BEAT.’ BEAT stands for:
- Body (What do you notice in your body?): Observe how your body feels when you notice different emotions, such as whether your body feels relaxed or tense.
- Emotions (What are you feeling?): Practice using an emotion wheel to build your vocabulary for your emotions.
- Action Urges (What do you want to do?): Strong emotions can cause urges to anxiously avoid a situation, angrily confront a person, give up on a frustrating goal, or isolate from people around you when sad. Notice action urges before they become actions. Doing so can increase the chance you are proud of the actions you choose.
- Thoughts (What is going through your mind?): Thoughts like, “I am weak for feeling sad” or “Sharing these emotions will only overwhelm others,” can cause men to avoid sharing how they feel. Pay attention to the thoughts that encourage or discourage whether you choose to open up about how you are feeling.
Step 2: Learn to Effectively Soothe Your Emotions - It can be hard to express uncomfortable emotions if you find it distressing or overwhelming to acknowledge these feelings. Often, uncomfortable emotions are treated as problems that must be quickly fixed or avoided. It can be helpful to learn healthy ways to manage difficult emotions. DBT includes practical skills that can help you get through emotional moments without making choices you'll regret later.
Step 3: Practice Openness - Open emotional expression is like a muscle that we exercise. Begin exercising this muscle in “trusted” relationships by inviting others to share their emotional experiences. This will allow you to practice setting the tone of validation in your relationships and enable you to evaluate if others are willing to reciprocate emotional openness. Also, practice using “I feel” statements when describing how daily experiences affected your BEAT (e.g., “My boss criticized me at work and I felt angry and ashamed”). If “I feel” statements about uncomfortable emotions seem challenging at first, consider beginning with “I feel” statements about comfortable or enjoyable emotional experiences.
Step 4: Take Accountability - Expressing your emotions in a healthy way also means taking responsibility for how they affect others. If you notice that your words, tone, or actions have caused harm, acknowledge it without becoming defensive. Listen to the other person's experience, offer a sincere apology when appropriate, and reflect on what you can do differently next time. Accountability isn't about suppressing emotions—it's about recognizing that your feelings are valid, while your behavior and its impact remain your responsibility.
Step 5: Be Gracious and Patient – Growth is rarely linear, for either you or your community. Practice self-kindness by reminding yourself why emotional growth matters and recommitting to Steps 1–4. If others struggle to respond supportively, offer gentle feedback, give them an opportunity to grow, and over time consider whether the relationship remains worth investing in.
Healthy emotional expression isn't about giving up strength. It's about expanding what strength looks like. When men understand their emotions, express them honestly, and take responsibility for their actions, they create stronger relationships and better mental health.
Families, friends, and communities also play an important role. When people respond with curiosity, compassion, and support, emotional openness becomes something that is encouraged instead of discouraged.
Citations
- Levant, R. F., Richmond, K., Majors, R. G., Inclan, J. E., Rossello, J. M., Heesacker, M., ... & Sellers, A. (2003). A multicultural investigation of masculinity ideology and alexithymia. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 4(2), 91.
- Xu, Y., Zhang, G. Q., & Tsai, W. (2025). Longitudinal associations between expressive suppression and psychological health: The moderating role of authenticity and the ambivalence over emotion expression. Journal of Counseling Psychology.
- Üzümçeker, E. (2025). Traditional Masculinity and Men's Psychological Help‐Seeking: A Meta‐Analysis. International Journal of Psychology, 60(2), e70031.
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
ADAA Blog Content and Blog Comments Policy
ADAA provides this Website blogs for the benefit of its members and the public. The content, view and opinions published in Blogs written by our personnel or contributors – or from links or posts on the Website from other sources - belong solely to their respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of ADAA, its members, management or employees. Any comments or opinions expressed are those of their respective contributors only. Please remember that the open and real-time nature of the comments posted to these venues makes it is impossible for ADAA to confirm the validity of any content posted, and though we reserve the right to review and edit or delete any such comment, we do not guarantee that we will monitor or review it. As such, we are not responsible for any messages posted or the consequences of following any advice offered within such posts. If you find any posts in these posts/comments to be offensive, inaccurate or objectionable, please contact us via email at [email protected] and reference the relevant content. If we determine that removal of a post or posts is necessary, we will make reasonable efforts to do so in a timely manner.
ADAA expressly disclaims responsibility for and liabilities resulting from, any information or communications from and between users of ADAA’s blog post commenting features. Users acknowledge and agree that they may be individually liable for anything they communicate using ADAA’s blogs, including but not limited to defamatory, discriminatory, false or unauthorized information. Users are cautioned that they are responsible for complying with the requirements of applicable copyright and trademark laws and regulations. By submitting a response, comment or content, you agree that such submission is non-confidential for all purposes. Any submission to this Website will be deemed and remain the property of ADAA.
The ADAA blogs are forums for individuals to share their opinions, experiences and thoughts related to mental illness. ADAA wants to ensure the integrity of this service and therefore, use of this service is limited to participants who agree to adhere to the following guidelines:
1. Refrain from transmitting any message, information, data, or text that is unlawful, threatening, abusive, harassing, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, that may be invasive of another 's privacy, hateful, or bashing communications - especially those aimed at gender, race, color, sexual orientation, national origin, religious views or disability.
Please note that there is a review process whereby all comments posted to blog posts and webinars are reviewed by ADAA staff to determine appropriateness before comments are posted. ADAA reserves the right to remove or edit a post containing offensive material as defined by ADAA.
ADAA reserves the right to remove or edit posts that contain explicit, obscene, offensive, or vulgar language. Similarly, posts that contain any graphic files will be removed immediately upon notice.
2. Refrain from posting or transmitting any unsolicited, promotional materials, "junk mail," "spam," "chain mail," "pyramid schemes" or any other form of solicitation. ADAA reserves the right to delete these posts immediately upon notice.
3. ADAA invites and encourages a healthy exchange of opinions. If you disagree with a participant 's post or opinion and wish to challenge it, do so with respect. The real objective of the ADAA blog post commenting function is to promote discussion and understanding, not to convince others that your opinion is "right." Name calling, insults, and personal attacks are not appropriate and will not be tolerated. ADAA will remove these posts immediately upon notice.
4. ADAA promotes privacy and encourages participants to keep personal information such as address and telephone number from being posted. Similarly, do not ask for personal information from other participants. Any comments that ask for telephone, address, e-mail, surveys and research studies will not be approved for posting.
5. Participants should be aware that the opinions, beliefs and statements on blog posts do not necessarily represent the opinions and beliefs of ADAA. Participants also agree that ADAA is not to be held liable for any loss or injury caused, in whole or in part, by sponsorship of blog post commenting. Participants also agree that ADAA reserves the right to report any suspicions of harm to self or others as evidenced by participant posts.