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Authored by: Larry Cohen, LICSW, A-CBT and Grace Berman, LCSW
Expert Tips for Overcoming Shame-Based Social Anxiety and Shyness
Social anxiety disorder is one of the most common anxiety disorders—and for many people, it is driven not just by fear of judgment, but by shame.
Watch the free ADAA webinar on social anxiety, The CBT Workbook for Overcoming Shame-Based Social Anxiety: Live Q&A with the Author, featuring ADAA member and author Larry Cohen, LICSW—clinician, researcher, and co-founder of the National Social Anxiety Center—in conversation with ADAA member (moderator) Grace Berman, LCSW of the The Ross Center. Discover simple, practical, and evidence-based strategies to manage your social anxiety—from an expert you can trust. These tools are easy to use, and you can start applying them today to feel more confident in social situations.
Frequently Asked Questions Answered by Experts
Below are questions asked during the webinar's live Q&A by participants in our incredible audience. Read the answers from social anxiety expert, Larry Cohen, LICSW.
- Can social anxiety improve with self-help?
Yes. Most people benefit from structured self-help programs that include behavioral experiments and worksheets. Progress tends to be stronger when paired with support from a therapist, support group, or trusted accountability partner.
- Does social anxiety get worse over time?
Social anxiety doesn’t typically worsen suddenly, but without treatment it usually leads to increased avoidance and reduced quality of life.
- Is social anxiety the same as introversion?
No. Introversion refers to a preference for fewer and quieter interpersonal interactions. Social anxiety involves fear, avoidance, and shame. Introverts and extroverts alike can experience social anxiety disorder.
- Is online treatment effective?
Yes — telehealth CBT can be just as effective as in-person treatment for most individuals, though in-person work may offer more live practice opportunities.
Key Takeaway from the Webinar
Social anxiety disorder is not a personal failing. When shame is addressed directly and beliefs are tested through real-world experiences, people can reduce anxiety, strengthen self-worth, and build more meaningful social connections.
This blog highlights important takeaways from the webinar, including Cohen's responses to real questions from participants seeking help for social anxiety.
Understanding Shame in Social Anxiety
Social anxiety disorder (also called social phobia) is one of the most common anxiety disorders. It is an intense and persistent fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations. However, for most people the experience goes beyond fear and judgement alone, but is can also be deeply rooted in shame.
At the core of shame-based social anxiety is the belief that there is something fundamentally wrong or unacceptable about oneself. People are not just afraid of feeling anxious — they fear what those internal experiences suggest about their identity or worth.
To learn more about the nature and symptoms of social anxiety, visit the ADAA overview of social anxiety disorder.
What Is Social Anxiety Disorder?
Social anxiety disorder is an intense and persistent fear of social evaluation. What sets it apart from other phobias is its connection to self-worth.
- Other phobias (like fear of heights) are about danger.
- Social anxiety is about perceived personal flaws or rejection.
Shame appears in two common forms:
- Ongoing shame – persistent feelings of being flawed or unworthy, usually linked with depression.
- Conditional shame – the belief that “If I don’t perform perfectly, I’ll be humiliated or rejected, which would mean I’m fundamentally flawed.”
In both cases, the concern is not just anxiety itself but what that anxiety seems to say about who you are.
How Common Is Social Anxiety?
- About 13% of people in the U.S. will experience social anxiety disorder at some point in their lives.
- Individuals with social anxiety are up to three times more likely to experience major depression.
- Substance use disorders are more common among socially anxious individuals as some use alcohol and other drugs to medicate uncomfortable feelings.
- Without appropriate treatment, social anxiety usually becomes lifelong.
- With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), about 70% of individuals improve significantly.
Evidence-Based Treatment That Helps
The most effective treatment for social anxiety disorder is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which teaches people how to challenge unhelpful thoughts, test beliefs in the real world, and build confidence.
A central tool in CBT is behavioral experiments, which help people test feared beliefs, such as:
- “People will think I’m boring.”
- “If I look nervous, I’ll be rejected.”
- “If one person doesn’t like me, that means I’m unacceptable.”
By trying real interactions and seeing the outcomes, individuals begin to collect evidence that challenges these assumptions and reduces shame.
Learn more about CBT for social anxiety and other evidence-based treatment options from ADAA.
Why Safety-Seeking Behaviors Keep Anxiety Alive
People with social anxiety usually use safety-seeking strategies to feel more in control — for example:
- Avoiding social events
- Mentally scripting conversations
- Limiting what they say to avoid mistakes
- Monitoring how they look or sound in an attempt to hide their anxiety
While these behaviors may feel protective, they actually increase self-focus and interrupt natural social engagement. Over time, they reinforce the belief that “I’m bad socially,” even when their self-perception isn’t an accurate reflection of real interactions.
Addressing Real-World Judgment and Bias
It’s important to acknowledge that judgment does occur — and some people face greater social scrutiny due to disability, race, gender identity, sexual orientation, or other societal biases.
CBT doesn’t deny this reality. Instead, it helps people:
- Distinguish external prejudice from internalized shame
- Recognize that bias reflects others’ beliefs, not personal worth
- Replace shame with appropriate emotional responses like assertiveness or advocacy
This reframing is a powerful tool for reducing the influence of shame.
Find Support and Professional Help
If you’re ready to seek support, ADAA’s Find Your Therapist Directory connects you with licensed mental health professionals who treat anxiety disorders including social anxiety.
ADAA Resources
- ADAA Find Your Therapist Directory
- Free ADAA Webinars and On-Demand Resources
- Sign Up for Triumph, ADAA’s free monthly newsletter
Personal Stories:
- Healing My Speaking Anxiety So I Can Empower Others
- 7 Things I Wish I’d Known About Social Anxiety 20 Years Ago
- The Social Anxiety Spiral: How to Escape it and Create Lasting Relationships
- My Three Steps: How I Went from Socially Anxious to Socially Confident
Blogs:
Webinars:
- The CBT Workbook for Overcoming Shame-Based Social Anxiety: Live Q&A with the Author
- Social Anxiety in Teens & How to Treat It
- Overcoming Social Anxiety: Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) to Build Self-Confidence and Lessen Self-Consciousness
Videos & Podcasts:
Books by ADAA Member Professionals
- Overcoming Shame-Based Social Anxiety and Shyness: A CBT Workbook to Move Past Feelings of Self-Consciousness or Defectiveness and Live with Confidence
- Triumph Over Shyness: Conquering Social Anxiety Disorder, Second Edition
Additional Social Anxiety Resources
- National Social Anxiety Center (Official ADAA Partner)
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