Antiracist Parenting is a Journey Not a Destination

Antiracist Parenting is a Journey Not a Destination

Katherine Martinez, PsyD

Katherine Martinez, PsyD

Katherine Martinez (she/her/hers) is a Registered Psychologist in British Columbia, Canada. She owns BehaviouralParenting.com where she specializes in cognitive-behavioral assessment and treatment of anxiety, mood, and childhood disorders in youth, provides parent training to families, and conducted workshops and in-service trainings on CBT. She has co-authored the book, Your anxious mind: A teen’s guide to anxiety and panic (Magination Press, 2009), and, Getting Comfortable with Uncertainty for Teens: 10 Tips to Overcome Anxiety, Fear, and Worry (New Harbinger, 2022). In addition, Dr. Martinez
is a staff writer and contractor for Anxiety Canada, a charitable organization and leader in developing online, self-help, and evidence-based resources on anxiety, and supervises and mentors students in psychology.

Antiracist Parenting is a Journey Not a Destination

Share
No
Collection of Books on Anti-Racism

Parenting is an increasingly complex job. It’s layered with important responsibilities one of which is raising anti-racist children. In addition to being a Registered Psychologist, I am also a parent, a white parent, who wonders what I can do to engage with this important work. I have learned that I can be doing more at home to raise antiracist children, and that the responsibility is mine and not that of the Black and Brown communities. I identify as a cis-gender, straight female, European white settler residing in North America on unceded land, married to a bi-racial man, traversing the planet as an immigrant since age 6. I have lived in England, the Middle East, the US, and now Canada, and have training in both Psychology and Women’s Studies. Yet, despite my identity and life experiences, I feel unsure of where to begin. 

Perhaps you, like I, have moved through the world with white privilege and a culture of silence where talking about race and ethnicity is rare. If you were not raised knowing how to talk about these important topics, you may now face anxiety as you grapple with how to raise an antiracist child. In contrast to my (and maybe your) reality, many parents of colour have been doing this important work all along. In fact, they have had no choice but to have “the talk” (read or watch) in their households to keep their children safe. Given the long-standing history of racism and oppression globally, it is time we all do this important work and become anti-racist parents who raise anti-racist kids. Rather than letting anxiety, intimidation or guilt lead us to silence and inaction, I’d like to highlight basic building blocks that parents can use to begin this critical anti-racist journey. 

 

  1. Begin within: Most articles/books/blogs on becoming anti-racist recommend educating yourself as a first step. And, while that might feel intimidating, it doesn’t have to be complicated. Begin with an internet search on “how to be antiracist,” or, “anti-racist parenting.” Then explore how privilege has shaped who you are. If you like to read, there’s no better time than now to create your own library, and there are some excellent resources to guide your self-reflection. Or alternatively you can learn through movies. It won’t necessarily be comfortable but it’s essential. Be a sponge- there’s lots to soak up!   
  2. Talk the talk: Although hard, it’s absolutely critical that we start talking with our kids about race, ethnicity, and other aspects of human identity early on. Begin small. Perhaps you make a comment to draw your child’s awareness to inequity or negative stereotypes when you notice them, rather than turning a blind eye. Or you pose a question. Kids are naturally curious, so tap into that. For example, you can ask: Have you noticed that all the characters in this TV show have light skin? Why do you think that is? Discuss and do it often and be aware that you don’t have to know all the answers. Admitting you’re uncomfortable or that you don’t understand something can be just as important of a teaching/learning experience as being the expert. 
  3. Discover together: Together with your child: Read books, articles, websites; watch videos, TV shows, movies; listen to podcasts, audio files, music, interviews. Take turns choosing the topic of interest or the medium to explore. When you diversify your media content to include more than white viewpoints, you learn exponentially. Also, be an active viewer by taking time afterwards to talk together about what you learned. Then integrate these ways of learning as an ongoing part of your routine, occurring throughout the year-- not just in February. The point of discovering together as a family is to increase your knowledge and grow together.
  4. Create a family dictionary: Familiarize yourself with key terminology that your children and you need to know. Find out about: microaggressions, privilege and fairness, equality versus equity, and many more. If you’re in your 30’s, 40’s or 50’s chances are you may not know a lot of these terms either, so it’s a great opportunity to learn together. 
  5. Diversify your homes: This is especially important in the younger years. Buy books toys, and games that include Black and Brown faces (And not just 1 or 2…does your kid’s room reflect our increasing national diversity?), teach about fairness and equity, and encourage inclusivity (not just tolerance). 
  6. Walk the walk: Encourage experiential learning by integrating diverse experiences into your daily lives. Model to your children how to be anti-racist (and not just not racist) by embracing opportunities to respectfully learn from others by stepping outside of your norm or comfort zone. Shop at a grocery store that represents an ethnicity different than yours, attend a global music venue, or eat at a new restaurant with new types of food for your family. These experiences show your kids that you appreciate multiculturalism and value inclusivity. 
  7. Get creative: Knowledge does not have to be dry and formal. Check out these creative ways to teach and learn anti-racist content: periodic table, 21 day challenge, 31 day challenge, and for the younger ones.
  8. Celebrate diversity: Help your kids be excited about diversity and the opportunities it creates. Have them imagine eating the same foods every day for the rest of their lives and how boring this would be. Encourage them to be excited to have new and diverse experiences, including within their friendships. If you notice your friendship group and that of your children’s is overwhelmingly white (or not diverse), try joining clubs, classes, and activities where there is greater representation of race and ethnicity. And if there are limited resources in your immediate community, try going online and meeting people that way. Seek opportunities to celebrate diversity and inclusivity wherever you can. 

Antiracist parenting is a journey not a destination. Antiracist educators underscore that to be antiracist we will spend our lifetime learning and growing, and there will be a lot of discomfort. We must be honest about our shortcomings and ignorance, and at the same time be earnest in our efforts to make meaningful change with our everyday actions. As when you first became aware that you were going to have a baby and likely knew little about parenting a toddler or teen, you learned, and so too can you learn to be an antiracist parent. 

If you have ideas, resources, and links to share please post in the comment section below as we will all benefit. 
 

Katherine Martinez, PsyD

Katherine Martinez, PsyD

Katherine Martinez (she/her/hers) is a Registered Psychologist in British Columbia, Canada. She owns BehaviouralParenting.com where she specializes in cognitive-behavioral assessment and treatment of anxiety, mood, and childhood disorders in youth, provides parent training to families, and conducted workshops and in-service trainings on CBT. She has co-authored the book, Your anxious mind: A teen’s guide to anxiety and panic (Magination Press, 2009), and, Getting Comfortable with Uncertainty for Teens: 10 Tips to Overcome Anxiety, Fear, and Worry (New Harbinger, 2022). In addition, Dr. Martinez
is a staff writer and contractor for Anxiety Canada, a charitable organization and leader in developing online, self-help, and evidence-based resources on anxiety, and supervises and mentors students in psychology.

Use of Website Blog Commenting

ADAA Blog Content and Blog Comments Policy

ADAA provides this Website blogs for the benefit of its members and the public. The content, view and opinions published in Blogs written by our personnel or contributors – or from links or posts on the Website from other sources - belong solely to their respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of ADAA, its members, management or employees. Any comments or opinions expressed are those of their respective contributors only. Please remember that the open and real-time nature of the comments posted to these venues makes it is impossible for ADAA to confirm the validity of any content posted, and though we reserve the right to review and edit or delete any such comment, we do not guarantee that we will monitor or review it. As such, we are not responsible for any messages posted or the consequences of following any advice offered within such posts. If you find any posts in these posts/comments to be offensive, inaccurate or objectionable, please contact us via email at [email protected] and reference the relevant content. If we determine that removal of a post or posts is necessary, we will make reasonable efforts to do so in a timely manner.

ADAA expressly disclaims responsibility for and liabilities resulting from, any information or communications from and between users of ADAA’s blog post commenting features. Users acknowledge and agree that they may be individually liable for anything they communicate using ADAA’s blogs, including but not limited to defamatory, discriminatory, false or unauthorized information. Users are cautioned that they are responsible for complying with the requirements of applicable copyright and trademark laws and regulations. By submitting a response, comment or content, you agree that such submission is non-confidential for all purposes. Any submission to this Website will be deemed and remain the property of ADAA.

The ADAA blogs are forums for individuals to share their opinions, experiences and thoughts related to mental illness. ADAA wants to ensure the integrity of this service and therefore, use of this service is limited to participants who agree to adhere to the following guidelines:

1. Refrain from transmitting any message, information, data, or text that is unlawful, threatening, abusive, harassing, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, that may be invasive of another 's privacy, hateful, or bashing communications - especially those aimed at gender, race, color, sexual orientation, national origin, religious views or disability.

Please note that there is a review process whereby all comments posted to blog posts and webinars are reviewed by ADAA staff to determine appropriateness before comments are posted. ADAA reserves the right to remove or edit a post containing offensive material as defined by ADAA.

ADAA reserves the right to remove or edit posts that contain explicit, obscene, offensive, or vulgar language. Similarly, posts that contain any graphic files will be removed immediately upon notice.

2. Refrain from posting or transmitting any unsolicited, promotional materials, "junk mail," "spam," "chain mail," "pyramid schemes" or any other form of solicitation. ADAA reserves the right to delete these posts immediately upon notice.

3. ADAA invites and encourages a healthy exchange of opinions. If you disagree with a participant 's post or opinion and wish to challenge it, do so with respect. The real objective of the ADAA blog post commenting function is to promote discussion and understanding, not to convince others that your opinion is "right." Name calling, insults, and personal attacks are not appropriate and will not be tolerated. ADAA will remove these posts immediately upon notice.

4. ADAA promotes privacy and encourages participants to keep personal information such as address and telephone number from being posted. Similarly, do not ask for personal information from other participants. Any comments that ask for telephone, address, e-mail, surveys and research studies will not be approved for posting.

5. Participants should be aware that the opinions, beliefs and statements on blog posts do not necessarily represent the opinions and beliefs of ADAA. Participants also agree that ADAA is not to be held liable for any loss or injury caused, in whole or in part, by sponsorship of blog post commenting. Participants also agree that ADAA reserves the right to report any suspicions of harm to self or others as evidenced by participant posts.