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by Michael Stein, PsyD

If you suffer from anxiety, you probably have a contentious and complicated relationship with your mind. It feels like your mind tortures you. It gives you all these thoughts about what you should be scared of and horrible things that could happen to you.  

It tells you that you need to worry, analyze, and seek reassurance about all these things. It never shuts up. It won't leave you alone. Perhaps worst of all, when you try to tell it why you probably don't need to be afraid of all the things it says will happen, it calls you crazy or stupid or any number of bad names.  It's a bully.

It feels like your mind is torturing you.

And yet…you worship your mind. You take what it says very seriously. You believe that if your mind says something, it must be important. It must mean something. No matter how mean your mind is to you, you give it the utmost respect and trust. That's the problem.

It is your torturer, and yet you worship it. In what other situation would you ever want to worship your own torturer?

The problem is not the fact that your mind gives you negative thoughts; the problem is that you take your mind so seriously. Just because your mind says something is important does not mean it actually is important. Just because something feels important also does not mean it is important.

Thoughts are just thoughts.

Thoughts are not facts. Thoughts are not meaningful. The content of your thoughts is not important.

What is important is how you treat your mind. If you take everything it says seriously, give it too much respect, and put too much trust in your mind, that is a recipe for an anxiety disorder.

There is a healthier way to approach your mind: don't take it so seriously. Don't believe everything it says. Don't treat your mind as a trustworthy source of information, especially about the things that make you anxious.

Don't get me wrong, you don't have a bad mind. It's not that your mind feeds you meaningless, negative thoughts and everyone else's mind is on target. This is how all minds work. 

Your mind is just doing what minds do. Our minds like to warn us about stuff because our minds think they are keeping us safe by doing this. Your mind would always rather err on the side of giving you a warning than not because it is more likely to keep you physically safe that way, and your mind cares about that more than anything. But just because your mind is doing its job, that doesn't mean the thoughts actually mean anything. Again, thoughts are just thoughts. 

When you have a thought that your relationship partner might leave you, that's just a fart noise in your head. Treat it as such: ignore it and move on with whatever you were actually doing with your day.

When you have a thought that you touched something dirty and you might catch a deadly disease, that's just a random neuron firing in your brain. It means nothing. Treat it as such: be dismissive toward your mind and don't give it any of your attention or time.

When you have a thought that your anxiety will never get better, that's just a buzzing sound in your head. Treat it as such: sarcastically say to your mind, "Good one, thanks for that, keep 'em coming!"

Remember, when you treat your mind this way, it doesn't mean your mind will necessarily stop saying things like this. Your mind is going to do what it wants to do; you don't have control over the thoughts that pop into your head.  No one actually does. The important thing is not what thoughts you have, it's what you do when you have those thoughts.

So the next time your mind starts spinning about why you should feel anxious about something, try to react to it differently. Don't worship your mind, recognize that it is a false god unworthy of your trust, respect, time, or attention. Instead, get back to whatever you are doing right in front of you in the present moment and put your effort into that. 

Even though you can't stop your mind from continuing to give you negative thoughts, that's okay, because thoughts are just thoughts.
 


About the author: 

Dr. Michael Stein is a licensed clinical psychologist who has spent 13 years specializing in the treatment of anxiety disorders and OCD using Exposure Therapy and other evidence-based behavioral interventions. He is the founder and owner of Anxiety Solutions, a group private practice that serves clients with anxiety and OCD both online and at its offices in Denver, CO and Reno, NV. He sees clients, teaches, and supervises other therapists from Anxiety Solutions' Denver office. He is passionate about both helping his own clients overcome anxiety and OCD and expanding access to quality care for these problems. 

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Coming from a mind that is very familiar with anxious thoughts, simply ignoring them, or putting them off as insignificant isn't as easy as it seems to be, nor is it necessarily wise to do so. If I think my partner is going to leave me and just pass it off as a brain fart, then I choose to take no action. What if my partner is planning on leaving me and there are things that I can fo to prevent that from happening? It's not about ignoring ther negative thoughts, it's about recognizing the merit of the thought and then deciding on an appropriate response to it. Sometimes a negative thought really is protecting you. The anxious mind does not operate the same way that a learned psychologist's mind may operate. This id a problem with the treatment of mental illness - there's an empathetic disconnect between the doctor and the patient, which will cause ther patient to distrust their provider's advice.

Thoughts are nothing but brain chemicals, they only mean something if you put context to it. The partner example is though because it could in fact be true, but we have the power to communicate and figure out if its true. To an anxious mind your obsessive all the time which makes it true in your mind but in fact it might not be true so you live with fear it might be true. That is no way of living, even when you know its not true your brain still convinces you it is. Thoughts should instead be accepted and moved on, we have the power to choose what we belive or not. Unrealistic fears such as "everytime i get sick i might have cancer" or "if i touch that door the world will die" in your mind your body is sending you chemicals of danger, you might know its not true bit if your brain keeps bombarding you at one point you get tired and says "fine who cares". The idea is to accept the thoughts and not fight them, ignoring them might work but accepting them gives them less power to bother you. The empathetic disconnect between the doctor and the patient is there because we hear all about medicines and not non pharmacological ways to help patients. Meditations, exercise, CBT, are ways to help,but majority of times its all about the meds. We should not treat patients as lab rats. Also having anxiety and depression makes you normal and we should not diagnose people as mentally ill because then patients think they are crazy and or cant help themselves. Everyone are anxious and depressed that is the norm.

I feel like anxiety is just thoughts that you don't want to live with. in reality if you change your mindset and think about these things differently that might help. example- oh man I wanna talk to that girl but what if I fuck up or fall and embarrass myself. BE ok with that. BE ok with fucking up and not being perfect you have to live with these things and find a way to be ok with it.

I'M 54, FROM INDIA SUFFERING FROM ANXIETY AFTER I QUIT SMOKING COLD TURKEY AFTER 30 YRS, 3YRS BACK. I DO NOT TAKE POISON BENZOS, I TAKE 600mg TULSI HERB-RAW HERB. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO PROBLEMS IN LIFE BUT OODLES OF ANXIETY. AFTER READING YOUR ARTICLE I FIGURED IT OUT. I ALWAYS FIGHT WITH MY OWN MIND, TRYING TO TAME IT SO AS TO BRING ABOUT EQUILIBRIUM OF THE MIND BUT WAS UNABLE TO DO SO & THUS RELAX. YOUR ARTICLE MADE ME UNDERSTAND & REALIZE THAT I DON'T NEED TO FIGHT MY MIND BUT STRONGLY IGNORE IT-THE NEGATIVITY IT IS GIVING ME.
WONDERFUL CONCEPT, EXTREMELY HELPFUL. WISH WE HAD A COUPLE OF DOCS LIKE YOU IN INDIA BUT DOCS IN INDIA ARE BUSY PRESCRIBING ANTIDEPRESSANTS & GETTING COMMISSIONS FROM BIG PHARMA & PATHOLOGICAL LABS
BEST WISHES.

Why are you yelling? Your writing in caps gives me anxiety. It's probably the cause of yours too.

......,,,is this limbo among making sure you’re checking that you’re not living a false reality and trying living how you are naturally, and also making mistakes along the way. I get so caught up in between them all, I either can’t seem to accept the current state of any of them or I over analyze it all. It eats away and melts your brain.

Thank you for this! Exact reminder I needed today. Will save this and revisit often to remind myself.

Wow this has changed my life , 29 years and nothing has made more sense to me in my life! What a clever human being!! Thankyou you have changed my hole outlook on life and i thankyou !!

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