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by Kellene Diana

KelleeDiana_0.jpgMy name is Kellene Diana and I used to struggle with anxiety and depression. Nobody understood or wanted to understand; in fact they called me names and passed judgment before they even knew what I was going through. It made me so afraid to speak up and speak out about it that it completely silenced me for years. 
 
For a very long time I was full of anxiety, depression, fear, anger, self-doubt, low self-esteem and alcohol.  Everything was hurting me emotionally, mentally and physically!

But, as scary as it was, I took a stand and put up a serious fight for my soul, my health, my spirit and everything that matters in this life! I stopped caring about what people thought and started caring more about getting better.

I got so tired of the panic attacks, the constant tears, the “what ifs,” the fears, the lack of self-confidence and the hangovers!  I knew in my heart that there was so much more for me! So, one day I made a conscious decision and I said out loud “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”! It is time to fight for the Kellene that I knew was on the inside waiting for an invitation to show her greatness. 

First, I acknowledged my struggles, and then I immediately made an appointment to see a therapist. I started journaling, reading stories of hope and triumph on the ADAA‘s website, praying, meditating, exercising and speaking life and love over myself every SINGLE day! 

Because of my commitment to my healing, nowadays when I look in the mirror, I feel a different kind of love for myself that goes far beyond my outfit, my red lipstick and my mascara! I now see my will, determination, resilience, and that I’m a fighter, a survivor, a queen, a warrior, a healer, a leader and a person who stopped using circumstances as an excuse to stay stuck!

The more I started to heal the more and more I saw my potential and what I was capable of and due to my intentional fight,  hard work and my determination to be my greatest, I am proud to say that I am now the CEO of my own company, a Best Selling Author and a Survivor of Mental Illness!

This story is to simply show you that if I can beat anxiety and depression and all the other things that I have battled that tried to take me out, so can you! 

No more excuses…no more waiting! It is time to give yourself that invitation to step into your greatness just like I did. 

Now, I'm no therapist and nor do I claim to have all the answers but one thing that I do know is that whatever dream is in your heart, whatever goal you need to achieve, with a fight, determination and a solid non-judgmental support system….you too can triumph over anxiety and depression. 

Click here to join my free Facebook Community called “I BEAT ANXIETY DEPRESSION, now what?”  It is a very engaged group of warriors who are ready to heal and share their journey and their story for ongoing healing and support! 

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Comments

Hello Kellene,

Your story is very close to mine and I pray I'll one day be the CEO of my own company and best selling author of books which inspires and aspires women to keep fighting for their souls as they battle mental illness and motherhood. Thank you for sharing and most importantly Thank you for fighting.

Hello Rhonda,

Thank you so much for reading my story. Keep praying and believing for yourself. You deserve the desires of your heart. Keep speaking that over your life and believe and keep Fighting no matter what! :-) I hope to see you in our group.

Sonita Douglas

September 21, 2018

I want to Thank you for sharing your story.. I can truly understand. Please continue to be a Change Agent.

Hi, thank you so much for reading and being inspired by my story. I wanted to personally invite all of you to a MasterClass that I am teaching next Tuesday. I will be teaching how to discover and thrive in your purpose in spite of anxiety. I hope to see ya there. Enroll here—> bit.ly/purposeslay

CONGRATULATIONS on your healing!
And THANK YOU for sharing. You are so inspiring - I feel hopeful after reading your story.
Peace, Love, Health, Happiness and Success!

That was a very interesting thing to hear today. I did appreciate you story of triumph and hope that I would realise my own dreams and beat every aspect of negative thoughts in my life.

I’m happy for you. But in my case, no matter how determined I am, depression still haunts me. I don’t know, I don’t drink very much, maybe a glass of wine here and there...and I’ve said “enough is enough!” to myself in the mirror so much—also because of the way I affect others—that I sound like a broken record. I believe and know that I’m strong and capable, and that’s part of why I’m depressed. Feels like punching rubber, sometimes. I know I shouldn’t cry so much, or be so “oversensitive” because I do have a great life and family and friends. My issue is that despite this I’m sad. It’s so frustrating.
Is there really a cure? Will I be able to look back one day and say “I used to be depressed,” or is it going to be a life-long struggle? Each time I think I’m up, I go down.
I am still fighting the good fight every day. Not ashamed of loving and continuously hoping that more people could under and accept this unfortunate and debilitating affliction, and that all of us can share our stories in order to help each other out in order to make a better world for ourselves and those who love us.
Thanks for sharing.

I am soo glad that your comment to speak about this illness has given me the courage to speak about it. I have suffered so badly recently and beaten it a couple of times but oh my is it crippling. But i am not keeping it a secret anymore.

This is exactly how i feel now and the worse part is that i was never this way! Yes there are a lot of challenges right now but ive dealt with far worse in the past and was able to overcome it and yet these days the sadness and anxiety is just so overwhelming...i feel like im on auto-pilot most of the time if not all of the time and im always feeling so tired and i would suddenly just cry sometimes...i really really dont like this feeling...

I clearly understand your challenges. I too struggle with anxiety and depression, but I made a conscience decision to not let my mental illness win. I went to see a therapist and enrolled myself in group sessions to discuss my mental state. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help. I felt better by allow myself to address my issues, especially with someone who was neutral and noncondescending. Their are a lot of Mental Health resources out there, take advantage of them and Please feel better.. Your Friend Twana

hi to anonymous

you will feel better , keep managing the symptoms , keep giving to others as much as you energy allows and you must stop the negative thoughts, each time one comes up try visually stamping on it and watching burst into flames , your brain will retrain itself , it is not a quick fix and will need 24 hour vigilance chris from England with love

As you posted this nearly a year and I half ago, I don't know that you'll see this comment, but I hope it helps you and others who feel the same way.

From someone who has grown from being controlled and defined by my depression and anxiety, to actively managing it and overcoming it, I personally think you need to give yourself a little credit and a lot of slack.

You said, "I know I shouldn't cry so much, or be so 'oversensitive' because I do have a great life and family and friends."

I guess what I'd say to you if you were standing here is that "It's OK to feel those things. It's alright!"

Give yourself permission to feel whatever the heck it is that you feel. You may not want to continue crying or feeling 'oversensitive' but if you do in this moment or that moment, that's OK because it's real, and it's you. It's there for a reason. Feeling something isn't right or wrong. What we choose to do with it makes all the difference. Again, recognize what it is you feel.

If you can, step back and try to reflect on where those feelings may have come from. As I've been able to identify those instances and reasons through my journey, it's been immensely empowering. The feelings still may be there, and still may come from time to time, but their influence over me decreases... They impact me less and less.

Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel in that moment. Recognize that maybe you don't to continue to feel that way in the future, but that right in that moment, it's OK.

As I gave myself permission to just feel whatever I was feeling, and be in whatever place I was in; then I was able to feel empowered to change how I felt moving forward, and choose if I wanted to let those feelings affect me.

We each are incredibly powerful individuals who are here on Earth either to act, or be acted upon. I think that in large measure, the purpose of life is to learn how to act despite the things that are acting on us. We are the masters of our own destiny, and as we acknowledge the influences around us, whether they be internal or external, and see them for what they are, we can then see ourselves, and our power for what it is and begin to use that power to write our own story, captain our own ship, and steer the course of our lives according to our will and desires. It's not a journey that we'll ever arrive at a completion of. But as we overcome and act for ourselves in small things, like choosing to allow ourselves to be in whatever place we are in, we can then overcome the larger things, like choosing to step out of that place, our of the darkness and into the light.

I have done so much to treat my depression. ECT (17 of them), ketamine, flew to Mayo Clinic to be assessed, therapy and meds. I went to Costa Rica for a month as I live in Alaska where it is dark and cold. I think that was helpful. I do still have to keep crawling up and out of this depressed state. I walk almost everyday for an hour and I meditate. I also go to weekly NAMI support groups. Please don’t give up on yourself, keep trying new things.

I feel like this , im soo tired of fighting my anxiety and depression. I tell myself each day i can do it. But it haunts me all the time that i dont see the light anymore my mind and body are screaming for help and im tired of crying. I hope to get out if this as well thank you for being honest

Wow...thanks for sharing all you did. Congratulations and best of luck to you always!

Thank you for sharing your story and for your honesty. It's helpful to read success stories. Depression and anxiety are tough opponents!

Thank you for your story you literally helped me off my bed and gave me the motivation to keep pushing until I get through

Thank you so much for having the confidence to write this. Its encouraging read of an example where anxiety and depression is not a death sentence as some people too often convince themselves when they encounter similar thoughts or feelings.

Thank you for your strength

I have read your story and your fight relates to my experience. I am still struggling against overcoming anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Your story proved to me that I can win this battle. As you said, I too am a fighter, a survivor, a healer and a warrior. If you can, I can. You are inspiring. Thank you.

I am suffering from depression so bad I can't get out of bed. I live by myself and am always scared I don't know about you but I always feel that there is something wrong with me, I have been to the ER many times and they keep sending me home. This is so hard to kick I am missing out on everything. I have a psychiastrist & a counselor, my problem is getting myself in the shower to get to my appointments is making it difficult. This may so0und weird but one of my problems is when I shower I feel like my hair gets uglier and uglier, I never felt like this before and it is ruining my life. If you have any thing you can help me with please email me cdadkd@msn.com, I would really appreciate it. I am on all kinds of depression meds and I am wondering if that is half of my problem. Please help!!!

Cheryl, wow! You poor woman that sucks but do not give up hope. I first would recheck all your meds and get that figured out because meds are a bandaid to a problem. Men and women that come back from the army are feed medication like candy to cope with PSD and it's like zombies walking around and can stop you from being motivated for a second because its a mask on your brain. They feel horrible inside so they cant get out of the house. Meds are meant to pick you up a bit but that's it!!!or you will just have to keep upping your dose or change your meds 100 times to feel ok until the next appointment. Do you have good days? If you do have even 1 hour of hope then write down what you need to do. Yes you need to eat right, exercise, meditation, yoga, get a breathing app and take vitamins also CBD can works BUT we all know this! But having that one second of hope is the only way you will be able to do these things. VOLUNTEER your time to help others, even if it's for 30 minutes, seeing Ppl less fortunate than you will make you think. These are real people dealing with the real world just like you. Do not watch t.v. and stay off your phone as much as possible, when watching t.v or being on our phones and watching these beautiful and rich people that are so inlove and these celebrities make statements as to be yourself, we constantly compare ourselves and you will not win. Its brainwashing a bit, be yourself well you know what f off I cant be myself I am depressed you rich b****. If you do watch a movie watch something happy and real. I like to watch Alaskan Frontier you know why because those people are trying to survive, their living off the land, they don't have TVs they don't have any communication and you know what they don't have anxiety and depression because their minds are occupied and focused. Take it day by day and dont give up! Depression is a disease in your brain

Hi Cheryl. I know this feeling all too well. I started seeing my therapist and she began a treatment called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which has proven, so far, to help me and my brain heal very old wounds that keep informing my decisions and thought processes in real time. Look this therapy up! It's like magic. You do a little work to find what triggers are causing these reactions, then you do the work with your therapist to Desensitize & Reprocess your reactions to certain specific triggers. It sounds tiring, but you're running your brain a million miles a minute already, beating yourself up and trying to come out on top, to no avail. This is a little more emotional work, feeling as miserable as you do most days but with a purpose and plan to heal and move on from these old ways of thinking. I figured, why not just lean into it, and some medication (temporarily) to heal these things once and for all and be done with the negativity. It doesn't have to consume you, you just have some ironing to do. Best of luck! Just keep going! You'll start to see the light when you can no longer stand the darkness.

I found myself googling, “how am I happy after being depressed?” Then, I found your article and I suddenly feel far less lonely. I have been struggling with anxiety, depression, and alcoholism for a long time and I am finally starting to let go of the downtrodden habits. I have always felt like the alcohol abuse was a response to my mental illness, but I would like to ask you what your relation with alcohol was and how do you cope now?

My son has been dealing with this for the past 4 years, numerous meds and a couple poor counselors and now he thinks that nothing will help. Wish there was a way to put him in touch with you. Great, very good looking young man who has everything going for him, but will not let it happen!

Dear kellene thank you for your marvellous words
please keep me undated on your tools and techniques
regards chris from England
depression and anxiety are are an epidemic over hear

How and where do I start I just do believe and have so much fear but I dont really know what I'm fearful of I'm overthinking all the time

That’s great you were able to heal fully. For me, it’s a process. I’ll do it once then a new life transition happens and I’m back in it needing new coping tools. My issue is major depressive disorder (recurrent) and anxiety. Sub symptoms of EDS. I wish it were this easy for me. Believe me I’ve tried everything. I’m even a wellness practitioner. I know many tips and tricks to finding wellness. Yet the symptoms remain. It’s a lifelong process of relearning as new things come up.

Hi. I’ve tried everything the market has to offer: medication and psychotherapy. I guess this message is an eye opener that I need to be a FIGHTER. Yet easier said than done; I submitted myself to this illness of depression and anxiety for 26 years. I give up and can’t handle this anymore. People tell me I need to change my script from being a nobody and not being able to fight-to a somebody that can overcome this.

I’m quite lost. Can anyone help me?

Hello
Don't list hope
I fight with this 27 year but I never knew what I was fighting with
But 2019 it hits me hard hard hard I am not working since one year it putts me really really on my knees I took medicine for only two months then I said when I fought with this shit 27 years never went down even one day why can't fight now without medicine I through medicine away
17 nights no sleep after 17 nights sleep starts getting better now is best sleep
But depression is lefting up but so slow
Like I walk twice a day each time 45 min
I use boflex 30 min a day
You cannot eat sugar drink coffee tea or any alcohol if you are real fighter
Put these things on side
And put on gloves eat green as much or fruits or whole grane if you meat eater chicken no sugar drinks at all
I fight since 1993 and I was perfect from 1997 to 2019
Then I went back bad habit eating
Drnik tea coffee sugar stop excercise
At the beginning 2019 hit me hard hard
Mistake was I never knew I won depression once but I lost again
Any thing boost brain camical
Remember same thing damage brain camical
That is why more people abuse drugs or alcohol alot more % those people are in this
I am and was one of them
So be strong fight
Change your life style once you get hit
You can't not eat or drink like others
Read what I did once and now I am fighting again
Hope it helps some one
Be a fighter

I must say that I teared up as I know how bad it is to live with those lair monsters.

Your story made me cry I pray from the bottom of my heart that God will bless your soul and I thank you very very much, for fighting for your ture GREAT and TRUE self

You're inspiration, I'm struggling with same situation but everyone thinks I'm doing darama just for attention, even though i hate attention. I just want to be alone.

It is like living with bad boyfriend or girl friend so please remember we need to learn to live with it then
It will go away it s own
More you will try to push away more it will strangels hold you tight
Don't be scared from it at all
More you scared more it will hurts you
So what did you learn right now from me is
Fight with your mind not with depression anxiety
Teach your mind com on it is ok it is ok and do try things make you feel better
Sugar trigger anxiety alcohol
Take one small note book and pen keep it with you always
Everything you drink or eat write down the time you are or drink then fallow how this drink or food made you feel after with in four hours
You will know witch food or drink hurts you and control your self from it
Any sugar drink alcohol fry food or deep Fri are not good for you
Hope it will helps you

I so badly want that to be me but its been years that I have locked my self in my room the thing is no one seems to want to help and I have no idea how to get my self out of the hell put my self in alot it was not my fault alot of it was now i am stuck repeating the same routine I have no idea how to get out of it

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