Keep Moving Forward

I have always struggled with depression and anxiety, to the point that it's hard to get out of bed or even just go to the store. When I do go to the store and I don't have someone with me, I start shaking. It's hard being around other people.

Every day there's a scene from a movie that I watch—it gets me through a lot of my hard times. It's from the movie Rocky Balboa and in the scene, Rocky says, "Somewhere along the line you changed, you stopped being you. You started letting people point a finger in your face, tell you you're no good, and when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something, you already know the world ain't all sunshine and rainbows, it is a real mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, but it's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward that's how winning is done. Now if you know what you're worth go out and get what you're worth but you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not point fingers saying you're not where you wanna be because of him or her or anybody, cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that."

It feels harsh sometimes, but it keeps me moving forward. It makes me wanna be a better person. I attempted to take my own life about 5 years ago and I look back on that day and was disgusted with myself. I use that memory every day to fight to be here, to fight to help end this depression for me and for everyone.

I stream on twitch when I have the time and when I'm not working. When I started the streams, it finally gave me a chance to open up and talk to people, which is something I really needed. I still need to work on going out in public, but I'm taking baby steps. I started doing charity streams to donate to ADAA. The first one went really well; people were supportive, and my stream loved what I was doing and why I was doing it. Every stream I do a portion gets donated. This isn't me trying to say come by and donate, I just want to give back for everything that ADAA does. 

My stream is always open to anyone if you just wanna talk about something you're feeling or just need someone to listen. We're all in this together. you're never alone and someone is always in your corner even when it doesn't feel like there is. Thank you for taking the time to read this. The link to my twitch chat is twitch.tv/babymrsa. 

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