A Letter to My Friend: "Reason To Live"

Three years ago, I received a phone call that took my breath away. Like so many other amazing people, my friend Ethan felt like the hurts of the past and present were larger than the hope of the future.

Ethan was someone whose quiet demeanor would light up a room. Like anyone, he had good days and bad days but he kept the majority of his hurt locked up inside his heart. He was absolutely adored by all of our friends and I just know if he would have allowed us into the hurt we could have helped loved him through it. Hurt is so heavy when you carry it alone.

I spoke with Ethan on his last day of school in our last class of the day. I asked him how he was because he seemed down. He said “okay”. I’ve lived wondering what I could have said, what I could have done differently. Did he know how loved he was? I had never lost anybody close to me, and suicide was never even an idea I had come to terms with, so I didn’t know how to handle the emotions of it. 

I think what helped me the most when dealing with my mental health and processing this grief was talking to people that I trust and asking for the help that I needed. It’s beyond dangerous to struggle through anything alone when there are people that can help you. I personally found it easiest to talk to my Dad and my closest friends.

I express my feelings through writing music. This was and will always be my main way of working through difficult times in my life. I find it freeing to have no judgement and it really helps me filter through emotions.

You could say music is my form of therapy. After working on my own mental health and dealing with the anger and emotions losing Ethan and others had caused, I went to my room one night and wrote what I wish I could still tell Ethan. The first words that came out of my mouth were, “I love you too much to watch you fall”. 

I continued writing a letter (song) to Ethan, describing my love for him and reminding him that he was worth something. The more I wrote, the more I thought of other people I knew who struggled with this. I started writing letters to them as well.

Ethan’s effect on my life inspired “Reason To Live.” I hope that, through hearing it, people will be reminded that they’re loved more than they know and should never believe the lies that their life is worth nothing or the lies that say they’re not enough.

Mental health matters and it’s not a weakness to ask or need help, I hope I can help people who are hurting find the courage they need to get the help they need. Your life matters.

Listen to "Reason To Live" here or watch below and send it to a friend in need of the message.