Suicide

I was one of those “strong” friends - on the outside. And I realize now how important it is to check in on your strong friends. Check in on the people in your life that seem like they are handing the uncertainties of life with grace and poise.

I woke up that day in early September feeling okay at first but around 8am, I became very depressed for no reason I could say exactly. I told my mother (grandmother) that I was going to go for a walk, but I had another plan. There is a 15–20-foot lighthouse by a lake near where I live. It is a truly beautiful place but, on this day, it wasn't so beautiful. 

This is my story with stress and anxiety, two words that can affect so many. Although never truly understanding the meaning of these two words at a young age, the older I got, the more I understood the impact they can have on one’s life.

Over all these years I was taking care of everyone else and needed to take care of me. In my process of finding myself I found that I never got over my mother's suicide. In today's world we don't have to sweep it under the rug, there doesn't need to be the skeleton in the closet and very well we don't have to suffer on our own. We shouldn't be afraid to talk to someone. 

For me, medication, a doctor that I trust, and a good support system has helped me to move on, but I will never forget what those first years into my treatment plan were like. Time helps too. As time has gone on, I realize I have become a mental health advocate, and not a mental patient anymore.

I’ve learned to cherish my time with my family. I’ve learned to reach out for help when I need it. I’ve learned no one will think I’m weak if I share my feelings or ask for help. I’ve learned the importance of being healthy and happy.

I miss my best friend. This is a given. But I cannot let his death keep me down. I must use it as an incentive to shoot farther than I ever have. And even though I wish everyday that he was still here, I know I will see him again one day, and when I do, I can tell him all about the things I accomplished in our name. Long Live the King.

Throughout my journey and the years since, I’ve tried many different strategies to get better including self-help strategies and websites like ADAA for information on what depression is, to formal treatment options including medication, talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and peer support groups.

I am starting to see that I can find my voice by helping others realize they are NOT BROKEN.