Doing it Afraid

The first notable experience that I had with anxiety occurred when I was 18 years old. A group of children ran out in front of my car and though I didn’t hit any of them, I felt the physical symptoms of panic overwhelm me. The sweaty palms, accelerated breathing, and heart palpitations were frightening.  

I made a vow to never drive again, and for 7 years I didn’t. For years I took the bus or rode with family and friends. One day, an older friend of mine tricked me into getting back in the driver’s seat. We were riding on the expressway when she said she had a cramp in her foot, and she needed me to take the wheel and drive us home. I thought, "No, I can’t."  But then I did it! When I looked over at her, she was smiling. She fooled me, but she also proved to me that I could ‘Do It Afraid’. I could drive regardless of my feelings of anxiety and discomfort.  

I realized that I have unrealistic expectations for life. Life is fragile and messy and broken; and so am I. So, I am learning to temper my unrealistic expectations for my life, for anxiety, and for how it impacts me.  

I still experience anxiety in my life but seeing my therapist once a month has helped me. Something my therapist told me is, “there is no way to step outside of our comfort zone and grow except by getting ok with being uncomfortable. Tend to it as it arises. Notice where it is in the body. Breathe into it. It’s ok to be scared, but (remember) you will be fine.” Because of that, I am still ‘Doing it Afraid’ at age 70.

I shared my story with ADAA because I want to help someone, just like me, who is struggling. I believe we grow and become better when we’re vulnerable enough to share the messiness in our lives and when we’re stuck in transitional places—we’re not where we were, yet we’re not where we hope to be. I’ve read other personal stories on the ADAA website, and I have been encouraged to know that I’m not alone. It’s not just me! I feel less alone and connected to a community that gets me! 

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