Healing—Whether You Believe you Can or Cannot, Either Way You're Right

Healing—Whether You Believe you Can or Cannot, Either Way You're Right

by Yashvi

 Let's start with my childhood. My dad has a heart of gold but suffers from health anxiety and chronic depression and I have seen him suffer for 26 years of the 28 years that I am today. I saw him get seizures at the age of 11/12 and I freaked out—that moment is still imprinted on me. I did have issues in my teenage years because I was kept away from my mom but that was manageable. However, a major life change happened after I got married and moved to New York. I stayed with my in-laws and my mother-in-law made my life miserable. And in the midst of that, I got fired from my job. I started getting panic attacks where I felt I would freeze and pass out. I would run to Urgent Care to check my blood pressure and vitals cause I thought I would pass out.

I then started counseling. It did help me mildly but my husband wasn't very supportive of my mental health issues. I started going to doctors and researching more and more about different diseases. I felt that whatever disease I read, I will get that. The more on social media I would read about someone dying I was convinced I was next. Then came my family from India and they really distracted me. In the midst of all this, I felt light-headed and went to Urgent Care for dizziness. There my ECG came back as abnormal. I was admitted to the ER where my vitals were normal. But it scared me. After a month they left, I moved out with my husband, and I also got a job. I decided to go back to Mumbai cause I was very homesick. I went to see a cardiologist and my reports came normal. I started my new job the very next day and while there was no work, I researched the weird symptoms I was experiencing. My head felt weird with sensations and there was a loud crackling noise in my ear which affects my head and body in an unexplainable way. I went to my doctor who said it was anxiety and I went to ENT he said I have no hearing issues. I am also seeing a neurologist. My panic attacks started getting bad and started to occur more regularly. Almost once a day, which left me more scared. In the midst of all this, I did not feel supported by my husband. He does love me but he cannot respect my health issues and suffering. I am tired of my sufferings. I will go to the doctor to just make sure there is nothing serious in neurology. I am going to change my life for the better and at least I'll look after my emotions and feelings and thoughts, which I can control. I am going to heal myself. My healing process has started. Therapy is working great for me more than medications, I really don't believe in medications as much as I believe in myself to overcome it. I reached out to ADAA because I feel it's so powerful to come out and express yourself without any fears to people who do know you and who don't know you.

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