Through the Storm: My Journey of Survival and Healing

02.18.2025

Through the Storm: My Journey of Survival and Healing

by Cass Camack

I was never one to ask for help. Like many, I believed that facing my problems on my own would make me stronger. But sometimes life throws a curveball so heavy that no matter how strong you think you are, you can't dodge it. And that was exactly what happened to me in 2021. The journey that followed would be one of immense pain, but also of profound healing.

The Day Everything Changed

February 2nd, 2021, started out like any other day, but what I didn’t know at the time was that this would be the day my life would forever change. I had been battling depression, anxiety, MDD (major depressive disorder),panic disorder, and trichotillomania for years, but I had kept it hidden, pretending to be okay and convincing myself that I could power through it. On that day, though, everything broke. My mind couldn’t take the weight anymore, and I found myself spiraling into a place of utter darkness.

I ended up at West Pines Behavioral, where I spent 72 hours in crisis stabilization. Those 72 hours felt like an eternity, but it was the first time in a long while that I felt some level of safety. I wasn’t alone in my pain, but I was also terrified of what lay ahead. The idea of fully confronting my mental health felt like a mountain I couldn’t climb.

Denial and the Decision to Seek Help

I left the facility with a prescription for medication and a promise to keep pushing forward. But inside, I was in denial. I didn’t want to accept the reality of my situation. I told myself that I could handle it. The same old narrative ran through my mind: If I just keep working, keep pushing, it’ll all get better.

But it didn’t. The darkness began to seep back into my life, into my work, into my relationships, and I couldn’t keep pretending I was okay anymore.

After a lot of soul-searching and with the gentle encouragement of my therapist, I made the decision to enter a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP). I remember feeling so out of place when I first walked into the PHP. I wasn’t sure if I belonged there, if I was really sick enough to need it. But I soon realized that mental illness isn’t something that follows a linear path. It’s not about being “sick enough.” It’s about recognizing that you need help, and that taking that help is the bravest thing you can do.

The Struggle of Healing

The first few weeks in the PHP were grueling. I had no idea how to handle what I was feeling, and the structured schedule of therapy, group sessions, and personal counseling was overwhelming. Every day felt like an emotional roller coaster. Some days I felt like I was making progress, but other days I felt like I was drowning in a sea of shame, guilt, and doubt.

The hardest moment came about halfway through the program; it felt like everything I had been working on just collapsed. It was in that moment of despair that I came face to face with a decision that would change my life forever: stay and fight or let go and allow the darkness to consume me. I didn’t want to give up, but I didn’t know how to keep going.

By some grace, I found the strength to reach out to my therapist, who was there to remind me that I didn’t have to go through this alone. Slowly, I started to implement the tools I had learned—grounding exercises, mindfulness, and self-compassion. It wasn’t an immediate fix, but it gave me a glimmer of hope. I stayed in the program, and somehow, I made it through. I finished the PHP just before my 21st birthday, a milestone that felt bittersweet.

A Setback and a New Path

Three years after completing PHP, I found myself struggling again. I tried to ignore it, but the anxiety, the sadness, the overwhelming sense of losing control – it all came rushing back. I couldn’t afford to ignore my mental health anymore. This time, I was ready to take a more aggressive approach and try ketamine and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), along with continued therapy.

The experience was nothing short of life changing. The ketamine treatments helped me break through mental barriers I didn’t even know existed. TMS was a slow burn, but it allowed me to rewire my brain in a way I had never thought possible. Therapy continued to provide a safe space for me to process my emotions. But it wasn’t easy. The healing wasn’t immediate. I learned to be kinder to myself. There were setbacks, yes, but there were also moments of breakthrough.

Finding My Way

I started to feel like I had found my way again. It wasn’t perfect or easy, and I still struggle, but I’ve learned that it’s okay to struggle. What matters is showing up for yourself, day after day, even when it feels impossible. Through all of this, I’ve discovered that healing is not a destination, it’s a journey. And that journey doesn’t end when you complete a program or finish therapy.

Today, I’m learning to live with my mental health challenges, not as a burden but as a part of me. And I’ve realized that the struggle is not something to be ashamed of. I’ve learned to embrace the journey and to trust that even on the toughest days there is light at the end of the tunnel.

If you’re reading this and you’re in the middle of your own storm, I want you to know that you are not alone. I’ve been where you are—feeling lost, broken, and hopeless. But I’ve also been to the other side. I’ve seen the beauty that exists even in the darkness. The journey isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Your story isn’t over yet. Keep going. You’ve got this.