War Between My Mind and My Heart

War Between My Mind and My Heart

by Helvin Augin

My name is Helvin, and I live in India, Kerala. Since my childhood I have faced many mental health struggles. After my birth, my parents got divorced and I grew up with my mom. I haven't seen my dad or my dad's family and they haven't made any attempt to see me. Our financial situation is not very good, so my mom works to provide for me. We don't have our own home right now and live with my uncle. He doesn't value me or my mom. He always says negative things to me which has mentally damaged me.

I'm an extreme introvert. I've sat very quietly in my classes from 1st grade to 12th grade. Teachers in school also made me feel that I'm worthless. Many of the other students made fun of my situation and I had only two or three friends during my time at school.

As the days passed, my mental condition worsened. I didn't even know or understand what was going on inside of me. I felt sad, I had sleepless nights, I was angry, I had the urge to use alcohol and cigarettes, and I actually felt unconscious sometimes.

When my mom saw my situation she understood there was something wrong. My mom took me to a psychiatrist and they confirmed that I had clinical depression. I started taking medication. After I started on medication and sleeping soundly at night, I started to realize many life realities and I became used to my situation.

Not everything changed, and my scars and wounds are still on my heart—but now I'm studying for my diploma in engineering and after completing my degree I would like to go abroad.

This is my story and I hope it's useful for anyone who has mental health struggles like mine.  Thank you for reading.

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