Valentine’s Day: Day of Love or Day of Longing?

Valentine’s Day: Day of Love or Day of Longing?

Karen Cassiday, PhD, ACT

Karen Cassiday PhD

Member Since 2004

Karen Cassiday, PhD, ADAA Past President's areas of interest are anxiety disorders in children and teens, social anxiety disorder, treatment-refractory OCD, and working with children and teens who suffer from both developmental concerns and anxiety disorders. Her research has focused on information processing in posttraumatic stress disorder and cognitive-behavioral treatment of anxiety disorders in children, teens, and adults.

Dr. Karen Cassiday is a lively, sought-after speaker and commentator on national media such as Nightline, The Today Show, Animal Planet, The Joy Behar Show, Huffington Post, public radio and many more. She is a TEDx speaker who shared her personal experience as a mother overcoming her own anxious perfectionism in the middle of Walt Disney World! She is the host of the Moms Without Worry radio show. She served as the President of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and is the founder of the Anxiety Treatment Center of Greater Chicago, the longest-running clinic to first use modern exposure-based treatment for anxiety disorders in the Chicago region. She won the Anxiety and Depression Association of America’s prestigious Clinician of Distinction Award and is a Clinical Fellow. She is also a Diplomate and Founding Fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy, served as Chair of the Scientific Advisory Board of the Chicago OCD Foundation/Beyond OCD, and has been listed on numerous Who’s Who lists.  She has published numerous scientific articles and articles on parenting and managing anxiety. Dr. Cassiday is dedicated to helping mothers overcome the cultural pressure to be perfect and to raise perfect kids. She enjoys using her expertise from over thirty years in the field to help families overcome the dilemmas of parenting in a high-stress digital world. Her goal is to help all mothers embrace the messy hilarity of parenting with unshakable self-confidence so they can raise kids who thrive!

Dr. Cassiday and ADAA

"My graduate school advisor, Rich McNally, suggested ADAA would be a great place to join as a student so I could present my research and network with other like-minded people who were really interested in researching and treating anxiety disorders.”

“ADAA has given me many things I needed at different stages of my career that were either unavailable or hard to find.  Early in my career, I was often the only professional who knew about evidence-based therapies for anxiety and I needed a place to be with my own kind without having to explain myself and combat skepticism. Then I needed inspiration from the ideas of scientists and other clinicians so I could improve my clinical skills. ADAA also gave me a multi-disciplinary group that mirrored my daily work life and that felt great. I have really enjoyed the opportunity to share my knowledge by giving presentation. Lastly, ADAA has given me the opportunity to serve humankind in a bigger way by sharing my leadership skills on committees, the Board and as president.”

“I have depended on my ADAA colleagues throughout my career to give me inspiration, encouragement and mentoring for my clinical dilemmas and business dilemmas. The friendly non-competitive atmosphere has made it easy to call up anyone to get their advice. I don't believe that my patients and staff would have fared as well as they have had I not been very involved with ADAA."

Valentine’s Day: Day of Love or Day of Longing?

Share
No

What comes to your mind when you think of Valentine’s Day? If you suffer from anxiety and worry, then there is a good chance that you are concerned about being disappointed or about disappointing someone. If you do not have a romantic partner then your anxiety might be focusing your worry on never having a partner or never finding a great love. If you are depressed, then you might be experiencing more cynical thoughts about the commercialization of the holiday, the futility of romantic relationships or your own unworthiness for a fulfilling romance. No wonder so many people who share your suffering come into their therapist’s office dreading Valentine’s Day.

You do have a choice, however, to do things that overcome the unhelpful ideas generated by your anxiety or depression.  You can do things today that help to build joy, love and worthiness that make Valentine’s Day what it was meant to be, a holiday that celebrates love.  Here are some hot tips that will help you redeem this day.

1. Set helpful expectations. If you are in a romantic relationship, then you need to accept that both you and your partner are flawed human beings who cannot possibly create a perfect day of celebration just because it is Valentine’s Day. Our Western culture myth of two people who perfectly understand each other without having to be told what to do and who perfectly support one another at all times without generating conflict is unattainable. When you accidentally believe in a false ideal and compare yourself to this false ideal then your relationship will always come up as a failure. Instead, think of creating a time to be yourselves with each other, your way.  Talk to each other about what you think would feel special. You might also need to celebrate at a more convenient time when work or school schedules are more convenient.

2. If you are single, do something that expresses love and appreciation for yourself. You know about Friendsgiving, the dinner you hold after Thanksgiving with your close friends. Why not do the same for Valentine’s Day? Set up a meal with a close friend, or a video conference dine and chat?  Do something indulgent and that shows the love that you wish to receive from others.  Mentally healthy people do not wait for others to give them compassion, gratitude or pleasant experiences. They realize that they can do this for themselves.  

3. If you feel particularly lonely or unloved, take the time to write down a list of the people who have loved you in your life and have shown you care and compassion.  Focus upon your gratitude for their influence on your life. This could be a past teacher, coach, tutor, aunt, grandparent, therapist or friend. This will remind you that you are indeed connected to the human community.

4. If you are having conflict with your romantic partner, write a letter of gratitude to them. This will help you refocus upon what brought you together in the first place. Couples with successful relationships focus upon the good things in each other and they tell their partner’s about these things.

5. If you are alone, write yourself a letter of gratitude about your ability to persevere, to give to others, to be a good friend or a good worker. Give yourself the words of affirmation that you need to hear. If you are brave enough, call a friend and ask them to tell you what they like and admire about you. Dare to listen to their words and write them down so you can savor them.

6. If you and your partner are feeling burned out from life, then download the list of questions from Greater Good In Action and use these to have a conversation so you can break out of the rut of talking about work, children or other stressors. I guarantee that this will be fun and bring you closer. Here is a hot tip for singles-these are great questions to ask on dates and with your friends too!

Karen Cassiday, PhD, ACT

Karen Cassiday PhD

Member Since 2004

Karen Cassiday, PhD, ADAA Past President's areas of interest are anxiety disorders in children and teens, social anxiety disorder, treatment-refractory OCD, and working with children and teens who suffer from both developmental concerns and anxiety disorders. Her research has focused on information processing in posttraumatic stress disorder and cognitive-behavioral treatment of anxiety disorders in children, teens, and adults.

Dr. Karen Cassiday is a lively, sought-after speaker and commentator on national media such as Nightline, The Today Show, Animal Planet, The Joy Behar Show, Huffington Post, public radio and many more. She is a TEDx speaker who shared her personal experience as a mother overcoming her own anxious perfectionism in the middle of Walt Disney World! She is the host of the Moms Without Worry radio show. She served as the President of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and is the founder of the Anxiety Treatment Center of Greater Chicago, the longest-running clinic to first use modern exposure-based treatment for anxiety disorders in the Chicago region. She won the Anxiety and Depression Association of America’s prestigious Clinician of Distinction Award and is a Clinical Fellow. She is also a Diplomate and Founding Fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy, served as Chair of the Scientific Advisory Board of the Chicago OCD Foundation/Beyond OCD, and has been listed on numerous Who’s Who lists.  She has published numerous scientific articles and articles on parenting and managing anxiety. Dr. Cassiday is dedicated to helping mothers overcome the cultural pressure to be perfect and to raise perfect kids. She enjoys using her expertise from over thirty years in the field to help families overcome the dilemmas of parenting in a high-stress digital world. Her goal is to help all mothers embrace the messy hilarity of parenting with unshakable self-confidence so they can raise kids who thrive!

Dr. Cassiday and ADAA

"My graduate school advisor, Rich McNally, suggested ADAA would be a great place to join as a student so I could present my research and network with other like-minded people who were really interested in researching and treating anxiety disorders.”

“ADAA has given me many things I needed at different stages of my career that were either unavailable or hard to find.  Early in my career, I was often the only professional who knew about evidence-based therapies for anxiety and I needed a place to be with my own kind without having to explain myself and combat skepticism. Then I needed inspiration from the ideas of scientists and other clinicians so I could improve my clinical skills. ADAA also gave me a multi-disciplinary group that mirrored my daily work life and that felt great. I have really enjoyed the opportunity to share my knowledge by giving presentation. Lastly, ADAA has given me the opportunity to serve humankind in a bigger way by sharing my leadership skills on committees, the Board and as president.”

“I have depended on my ADAA colleagues throughout my career to give me inspiration, encouragement and mentoring for my clinical dilemmas and business dilemmas. The friendly non-competitive atmosphere has made it easy to call up anyone to get their advice. I don't believe that my patients and staff would have fared as well as they have had I not been very involved with ADAA."

Use of Website Blog Commenting

Use of Website Blog Commenting

ADAA provides this Website blogs for the benefit of its members and the public. The content, view and opinions published in Blogs written by our personnel or contributors – or from links or posts on the Website from other sources - belong solely to their respective authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of ADAA, its members, management or employees. Any comments or opinions expressed are those of their respective contributors only. Please remember that the open and real-time nature of the comments posted to these venues makes it is impossible for ADAA to confirm the validity of any content posted, and though we reserve the right to review and edit or delete any such comment, we do not guarantee that we will monitor or review it. As such, we are not responsible for any messages posted or the consequences of following any advice offered within such posts. If you find any posts in these posts/comments to be offensive, inaccurate or objectionable, please contact us via email at [email protected] and reference the relevant content. If we determine that removal of a post or posts is necessary, we will make reasonable efforts to do so in a timely manner.

ADAA expressly disclaims responsibility for and liabilities resulting from, any information or communications from and between users of ADAA’s blog post commenting features. Users acknowledge and agree that they may be individually liable for anything they communicate using ADAA’s blogs, including but not limited to defamatory, discriminatory, false or unauthorized information. Users are cautioned that they are responsible for complying with the requirements of applicable copyright and trademark laws and regulations. By submitting a response, comment or content, you agree that such submission is non-confidential for all purposes. Any submission to this Website will be deemed and remain the property of ADAA.

The ADAA blogs are forums for individuals to share their opinions, experiences and thoughts related to mental illness. ADAA wants to ensure the integrity of this service and therefore, use of this service is limited to participants who agree to adhere to the following guidelines:

1. Refrain from transmitting any message, information, data, or text that is unlawful, threatening, abusive, harassing, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, that may be invasive of another 's privacy, hateful, or bashing communications - especially those aimed at gender, race, color, sexual orientation, national origin, religious views or disability.

Please note that there is a review process whereby all comments posted to blog posts and webinars are reviewed by ADAA staff to determine appropriateness before comments are posted. ADAA reserves the right to remove or edit a post containing offensive material as defined by ADAA.

ADAA reserves the right to remove or edit posts that contain explicit, obscene, offensive, or vulgar language. Similarly, posts that contain any graphic files will be removed immediately upon notice.

2. Refrain from posting or transmitting any unsolicited, promotional materials, "junk mail," "spam," "chain mail," "pyramid schemes" or any other form of solicitation. ADAA reserves the right to delete these posts immediately upon notice.

3. ADAA invites and encourages a healthy exchange of opinions. If you disagree with a participant 's post or opinion and wish to challenge it, do so with respect. The real objective of the ADAA blog post commenting function is to promote discussion and understanding, not to convince others that your opinion is "right." Name calling, insults, and personal attacks are not appropriate and will not be tolerated. ADAA will remove these posts immediately upon notice.

4. ADAA promotes privacy and encourages participants to keep personal information such as address and telephone number from being posted. Similarly, do not ask for personal information from other participants. Any comments that ask for telephone, address, e-mail, surveys and research studies will not be approved for posting.

5. Participants should be aware that the opinions, beliefs and statements on blog posts do not necessarily represent the opinions and beliefs of ADAA. Participants also agree that ADAA is not to be held liable for any loss or injury caused, in whole or in part, by sponsorship of blog post commenting. Participants also agree that ADAA reserves the right to report any suspicions of harm to self or others as evidenced by participant posts.

RESOURCES AND NEWS
Evidence-based Tips & Strategies from our Member Experts
RELATED ARTICLES
Block reference
TAKING ACTION
After viewing my art and story, I want others to understand that we are not alone in this and…

Advertisement